APRIL 27TH 2024
I am not writing this to try and say something profound or that I will give a sense of enlightenment and inspiration. Rather, I feel the need to write my thoughts on what I am currently going through with pursuing creativity and pushing my body physically for long distance running. Why do I choose to have such aspirations? How do I balance the motivation to create art and running?
It has been a year since my last entry, and it is a very vulnerable practice for me. But, I tell myself it is a good practice to pursue. I thrive off the joy of creating, so writing these entries has been helpful for me to clarify my creative process.
With that said, why do I take so much time pursuing all of this? How the hell do I balance art with a full time job, life of marathon running, and everything else in between? Most everything I’ve done in life for the love of it has always balanced alongside something else that I love. Such as becoming a skateboarder at the age of 15. I learned then that there were a lot of similarities with creating art. I saw my thought process of visually seeing a movement in my mind was like visualizing a painting before it came to be. Then years later finding running at the age of 39 taught me that discipline will produce progress, just the same with producing a collection of work for a new show. All of it takes patience and hours of sacrificed time. There is a rhythm within it all.
The other day I had a conversation about my artwork with a friend. They were asking me what painting I had been working on at the moment. I told them that lately I had been working on the same piece for the last five or six months. A question they asked was “Do you feel like over that amount of time does the progress you make on the painting effect or change you in some way?” I didn’t really know how to answer that. As the day went on I thought about that question. My conclusion was, the painting itself does not possess some kind of power that causes my life to uphold a direct outcome. No, the life I am living in the moment is what effects me. How I choose to react is what brings on a specific experience, good or bad. It is within those hours of time that makes me who I am today. Painting, or the painting is what I choose to spend my time doing. Running hours and miles a week does not physically cause my mind to be more peaceful. It is the choice I make to pursue running as a goal that helps me produce a better understanding how to be more mindful. All of this is a development that creates an outcome.
Over time while working toward personal goals I feel that I have discovered a rhythm within my personal realm. Not to say I have found the ingredient to success. Far from it. However, I have found that the things I choose to partake in that I am most passionate about becomes not work, but a part of me. The first couple years that I pursued running, or training for my first marathon I felt mixed up not knowing how to balance it with painting. There have been times where the two worlds felt so opposite. With painting I am physically still, slowly moving a brush with my hand. With running I am in constant movement. The aesthetics of these two worlds can be perceived different as well. There were times I felt like I was becoming two different people. I would go to an art opening and see friends while wearing a new running hat and be given comments like “so did you run here?” It made me feel self conscious, but I knew what I loved and had seen the positive outcome it had on me.
After a couple years trying to find a balance, I think I have it narrowed down to what seems to work for me. In the past painting was always best served in the morning. However, I’ve had to make shifts due to my schedule. Today I found that going out for my training runs is best first thing in the morning. During the week before work I have to do this before 5:30am, then get to the office for the day. But then I have the evening on most nights to wind down and focus on my painting. This took a while to get used to, but like I said when you love something so much it becomes a part of you. The transitions feel natural for me now. I am so grateful to be able to physically experience this. It is so much more than the life I project on social media. This year I am about to embark on my toughest training to date while simultaneously work on a new show both slated for fall 2024.
November 3rd is the New York Marathon. I finally earned my spot last October 2023, when I participated in the Strava Virtual Challenge. I had to run a marathon during a specific week in that month. I did, it was hard, and I am so grateful to my friend Zack Pianko for helping aid me on that. Now that I am finally in are there any goals I have in mind? The answer is yes. The BQ: Boston Marathon Qualifier. This goal is not easy to achieve at any age. There is a specific time you have to finish the marathon. For me it is under 3:10:00. or closer to a sub 3. I would have to run the New York Marathon at a pace of under 7 minutes per mile for 26.2 miles. I have ambition, and hope. Today that is all I have.
Why? Well, if I feel capable or can see it as a reality, then why not? That goes the same with creating art. The spark is in my mind. The vision is there. Why would I choose not to act. We absolutely need to take action on these opportunities. I feel overwhelmed doing so, but if I choose to not, then life will just be. We have to live.
When your passions in life become a part of you it will find rhythm & balance.
